I began journaling while I packed Jay’s lunch because I wanted to explore the misread expectations of what it means to be a friend, spouse, or family member in my own life. The initial inspiration for exploring the relationships in my life actually started with an old girl friend. The relationship started off well, however we became best friends almost as fast as it crashed and burned. Anytime I had an issue or was upset I became increasingly insecure about confiding in her. I felt like I had to hold it in because the expectations with in our friendship had become quite confusing. Overall I have many great memories of us living life together, but in the end I was burned out. I was newly married, exhausted, and had felt that our relationship was becoming increasingly unhealthy. I was struck by the realization that I had no idea how to be a friend to her, let alone how to be a wife. Everything that worked well with other friends blew up in flames and I felt that I could do no right.

So what does this have to do with me taking on this adventure to make my husband’s lunch? Everything. This failed relationship has changed my view on how relationships should be in my life. Bob Goff says in Love Does, ” I used to think life could be shared with anyone, but now I know choosing the right people is pretty important”. I’m not writing this as someone who wants to become a hermit and excommunicate those around me, but rather as someone who wants to have meaningful, life long relationships. I wouldn’t mind rekindling past friendships if that is what God has planned, but that is more up to Him than me.

I chose to document this journey because I want to explore how my relationship with my husband should look as a believer in Christ Jesus. I am not only doing this in my marriage, but in every relationship. I want to be a better wife, sister, daughter, and friend. To be sincere and loyal. I don’t want the familiarity of the past, but to look forward to what God has planed for me. I know that sometimes it is the smallest conversations that make the biggest impact. Words have meaning and can either give life or take it away and I want to be sure the words spoken out of my mouth are life-giving.

So I challenge you, the reader, to reevaluate your relationships. Which ones are life-giving? Which ones need more grace, patience, or dedication? Which ones don’t? Which relationships should you step away from or limit your time with? Spend some time in prayer and ask God to show you the sincerity of your relationships and how to move forward.

I hope this post spoke to you. Remember that no one is perfect. I will make plenty of mistakes throughout my life, but I hope that God will continue to teach me how to be a good wife, friend, and family member

I will continue to post snippets of my journal from last year. Enjoy.

Living Satisfied.